ranting it up, Uncategorized

who’s hard of learning?

Monday is almost over and I’ve still got Mr. Anxious following me around.  What do I got on the brain? Bills. Fat. Bills. Fat. Yep, that’s pretty much it.  Pathetic right? Transparency is all the rage right? What if transparency makes you feel fat? Is that even a thing? Oh and if that wasn’t enough, how do I convince myself that I am not too old to still succeed in where I find my passion? Am I too late.  Did my time of making it expire? My mind tells me Hell No!  But my insides are cringing at the thought of being exposed as a old lady trying to be young.  An old lady trying to make it. A woman who wasted her life trying to hide suddenly wants to be known. Why now? It’s not a matter of why now, but a question of why not then? To that I have no answer.  The real truth is that the struggle is eating me alive.  Books, podcasts, motivational figures yelling out to to me that I can do whatever I want, that it’s possible. Who’s hard of learning? This girl, or should I say this old lady is.

it doesn't have to rhyme, Uncategorized

my state of mental


sitting here
in lowly light
wondering what’s to come
of the the plans
the panic
the unmet goals
which feels like the sum of my life
intentions that shine
with the motivation
of a jump-started car
ending in a putt putt
of pathetic disgrace
and a car that no longer starts
waiting for that next good samaritan
that will help me a long
pump words into me
like a hype man at a rap concert
but what happens when i go home
to the reminders, the lists
the wishes and the unorganized mess
of a life that can’t seem to get organized
piles and piles
of future versions of me
more like a skinnier, richer,
more glorious me
wait what?
I mean a more holy, hard working
but still skinnier me
maybe thats what is twisted
backwards and flawed
my mental state
is more like me in a state of mental
glory to me?
should be glory to He
He who is highest
He who shines brightest
how can anything outshine the sun
or should I say the Son
but in all this impossible
He whispers in the chaos
the intentions and failures
that I am made in His image
which is better than any version of my own.

it doesn't have to rhyme, Uncategorized, Word Stories


She was deep in sleep
as if she had taken a bite of that apple
you know the one i’m talking about
the one that the darkness lured her with
like the glitter and gold
the newer and better
all that shines
so bright it blinds
our perfectly working eyes
to follow it closely
the fragrance
the smell
that disguises the hell
it leads us to
the slaughter
we can’t refuse
but we don’t have to
there’s one who takes our place
at the front of the line
standing face to face
with our hell
to let us go free
her eyes open slowly
then grow big and wide
she looks down at that apple
and tosses it aside.

Uncategorized, Word Stories


The haze was thick.  But the sunlight created a yellow glow all around.  She wasn’t quite sure what she was looking for except that the messenger had said she needed to go to Black Hills Forest.  Stories told about this place were both filled with horror and miracles, but she always resolved that they were just stories with no truth to them.  Walking through the ancient trees her mind wandered to when they first met.  They both had reached for the same Starbucks coffee cup.  Sheepishly he pulled his hand away when he realized it wasn’t his order and apologized.  Not thinking anything of it she winked and walked away.  Snapping out of her memory she soon realized the forest had transformed into the coffee shop her mind had just wandered to.



In a moment of frustration, chocolate calms the nerves. In a moment of celebration, chocolate celebrates with you. In a moment of sadness, chocolates brings a dose of happiness. So I have come to the conclusion that chocolate is a friend, a friend who can sooth you with compliments, hugs, and promises to make everything better. Would it be presumptuous to say that I think most women agree with my feelings about chocolate? Well, let’s look into that and ask some important questions that might prove it to be true. Take these questions for example.

If your boyfriend has just left you for another woman, you

a) Tell yourself it was meant to happen this way and wish him the best

b) Break into his place and move all you stuff in there and tell him he is wrong, you are destined to be together, forever

c) Go to the store and buy a bag of Hershey kisses to kiss the boo boo you have in your heart

When it’s that time of the month and you are not your feeling normal, happy, beautiful self, you:

a) Go into work and knee your male co-worker in the you know what because he doesn’t have to suffer every month like you do

b) Go to the mall and find every skinny, younger woman and give them flat tires

c) Take a tub of chocolate icing home to eat while you smear it all over your stomach so you can get rid of your cramps

When you turn the big 4-0 and celebrating your birthday, you

a) Write all your hopes and dreams on a piece of paper and burn it in an “I’m too old to make my dreams a reality” ceremony

b) Make threats to anyone who decides to tell anyone you are over 35

c) Throw a birthday bash and line up all who are under forty so you can play peg the stupid younger people with chocolate covered golf balls.

If your answers were the ones that included chocolate, congratulations because you my friend, have a friend in chocolate.

it doesn't have to rhyme, Uncategorized


Nonstop chatter
Lots of noise
No one else can hear it
That buzzing voice
Animated words
Sucking the life
Out of my life
Rounding up the herd
That consists of my feelings
My choices, my hurts
And my healings
Pushing me
Or maybe pulling me
In the direction of that hole
That lures me
With quiet for sale
Paid with suffering souls
Longing for silence
From that nagging,
That ever nagging troll.
I find myself in a trance
Floating Like a ghost,
A graceful dance
To a collector asking for payment
For this so-called paradise
Until a flicker
Of approaching light
Has broken the spell
Handing over His blood
I have been saved from Hell
Finally, quiet.

it doesn't have to rhyme, Uncategorized, Word Stories


reckless, that ain’t me
at least that’s what i think
always thinking, planning,
trying to be ready
for the catastrophe
the one that dwells in my head, so heavy,
the one he uses to try and make me sink
down to the abyss of darkness
where he has dug up a hole
six feet under ground
lined with comfort
so that it calls out to me
to come and lay down
thats when he’ll shovel all those lies,
burying me alive,
trying to squeeze out my hope,
that crazy hope that only comes from light
but you see light beats out the dark,
so i guess he didn’t think it through
look again fool, that hole’s made for you.